Saving All My Lovin' Read online

  Barbara was the one constant in the group that everyone seemed to turn to, even her. But this time she kept her little secret to herself. They’d all agreed when they’d decided on this little venture that it was only to look and not touch, to fantasize, not act on the fantasy. So the last thing she wanted her friends to think was that she was desperate and using the spa as a dating service.

  The doorbell rang. Ann Marie’s heart jumped in her chest. She watched Elizabeth go to the door, held her breath and released it with a disappointed sigh when Dawne, Elizabeth’s daughter came in laden with trays of food.

  “Hi!” she called out. “I’ll take these to the kitchen. Desiree is bringing the rest.” She hurried off. Desiree soon followed pushing a cart of canisters of their specially made health juices. Having two daughters that owned their own health food restaurant was paying off already.

  Before long they were all too busy to think straight. Within the first two hours twenty men had come through the door. Some had come to the grand opening the night before; others were referred by those who did.

  Ann Marie worked the front desk with Elizabeth registering the men and giving them a quick tour of the facilities. Everyone wanted a massage. Lucky Barbara, she thought as she keyed in the information on yet another newcomer. Her fingers felt as if they would fall off and it had barely been four hours. If this many men were available during the day what would happen after the regular work day was over?

  As she worked on printing out hardcopies of client records to be filed away, Raquel walked in.

  Ann Marie stopped what she was doing and stood, stretching her stiff back in the process. She would need one of Barbara’s massages at this rate.

  “This is a surprise. I wasn’t expecting you.”

  Raquel’s heavenly brown eyes were red-rimmed.

  Ann Marie frowned. “Chile what’s wrong?”

  “Why don’t you tell me, mama?”

  “Look, I’m working. Me no have time for games.”

  “It’s not me playing games.”

  Ann Marie huffed and came from around the counter. She grabbed Raquel by the arm and spoke in a harsh whisper.

  “I don’t know what burr you got up your butt, but you best change your tone and quick. Me your mum, not some friend on the street.”

  “Really? Then why don’t you treat me like I’m your daughter?” Tears splashed over her cheeks.

  Ann Marie looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to the drama unfolding. They all were too busy.

  “Come with me.” She pulled Raquel across the room and down the corridor to the back office. She pushed the door open without knocking.

  Stephanie dribbled water down the front of her blouse. “What the…” She caught the look of fire in Ann Marie’s eyes. And who could miss the tear-streaked face of Raquel? “Uh, I was just leaving. Looks like a mother daughter moment.” She picked up the file she was working on, gave them both one last look and eased out, shutting the door softly behind her.

  Ann Marie whirled on Raquel, her hands planted firmly on her hips. “You want to explain what your problem is?”

  Raquel drew in two short, shuddering breaths trying to collect herself. “I was on my way out, to see about a consulting job and the phone rang.”

  Ann Marie suddenly felt queasy.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “What?” she croaked without the bravado of moments ago.

  “About my father! About the fact that he’s recently been in touch with you. About the fact that he’s planning on coming to the States and wants to see me. About the fact that you’re still married to him!”

  Ann Marie lowered her defiant gaze and stepped away from her accuser. She drew in a breath and straightened to her five-foot-two-inch height. She turned to Raquel.

  “I have reasons which you can’t begin to understand.”

  “Tell me.”

  “No! It is my business.” She poked at her chest. “You know nothing of the man. But I do.” A shiver ran through her. “I left him and Jamaica for good reasons. To protect me and you.”

  “From my father?” she asked in disbelief.

  Ann Marie swallowed. “From a life I could no longer endure.”

  “You’re not making sense. What happened in Jamaica between you and my father?”

  “I won’t discuss it with you Raquel. Now or ever.”

  Raquel snickered. “That’s so like you. You have to be in control. Anything to hurt me and push me away.” Her voice shattered like a glass tossed against concrete. “And I thought we were finally getting to a place where we could be mother and daughter—after all these years.” She slowly shook her head, sniffed hard and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. She looked Ann Marie square in the eyes. “Nothing has changed, Mama. Least of all you.”

  She spun away, nearly tore the door from its frame and stormed out. She stopped halfway and tossed over her shoulder, “He said to let you know that business is holding up his plans. He’ll be here at the end of next month. And I plan to see him when he arrives.” She pushed her way passed several clients and disappeared from Ann Marie’s view.

  Ann Marie slowly lowered herself into the swivel chair. In control? When it came to Terrance Bishop control never entered the equation. She covered her face with her hands and for the second time in one day she wept.

  Activity at the open door drew up her head from her hands. Barbara, Stephanie and Ellie stood on the threshold. They all tried to get through the door at once. If she didn’t feel so god-awful she’d laugh at the spectacle.

  She quickly wiped her eyes, but not quickly enough.

  “What is going on?” Barbara asked.

  “Raquel went tearing out of here like her butt was on fire,” Stephanie added.

  “Are you crying?” Ellie asked in amazement.

  The trio hovered over her like moths to a flame. She looked from one concerned face to another, which only caused another fresh set of tears to flow.

  Barbara knelt down beside her and drew her close. “Ssssh,” she soothed. “Whatever it is, it will be all right.”

  “We’re here for you,” Stephanie offered.

  “Absolutely,” Ellie added.

  Stephanie sat on the edge of the desk. Ellie drew up a chair and took Ann Marie’s hand, patting it gently.

  “He—he spoke to her.”

  The trio looked at each other and then realization hit. All eyes widened simultaneously.

  “Oh,” they chorused.

  “I take it you hadn’t spoken to Raquel,” Barbara said.

  Ann Marie shook her head.

  “How did he get your home number?” Stephanie asked.

  Ann Marie swallowed. “Him a police officer. If he got me job number and address, the home number couldn’t be hard to get.”

  “But after more than twenty years what made him resurface now?” Barbara asked.

  The question sat in the room like rotten food. No one wanted to touch it.

  Chapter 3

  Somehow, Ann Marie managed to get through the rest of the day without any more outward displays of emotion and even put in a few hours of work at the real estate office. Work was the best cure. If she kept busy she wouldn’t have to think and hopefully by the time she got home Raquel would be asleep.

  She wasn’t so lucky. Raquel was sitting in the living room waiting for her when she finally walked through the door.

  “I wanted to wait until you got home to tell you that I was leaving.” Raquel stood and that’s when Ann Marie noticed the suitcases neatly lined up near the couch.

  Ann Marie lifted her chin. “Time you got back on your own two feet.”

  Raquel snorted her disgust. “Figured that’s what you’d say.” She picked up her two suitcases and approached her mother. “You know, most little girls want to grow up to be just like their mothers.

  I pray that I don’t ever turn into the woman that you are.” She brushed by Ann Marie and walked out the door that Ann Mari
e had never closed.

  Ann Marie drew in a sharp, pain-filled breath when she heard the door slam shut.

  On a night like tonight, with the day she’d had, she would have sought comfort in the arms of her man. But she didn’t have one.

  A lie, or at least the omission of the truth, lost Phil to her. A secret, or maybe it was a lie now, lost her daughter to her as well.

  She’d been so good at keeping secrets. Only sharing parts of herself that she wanted the world to see—including her closest friends. Secrets had sustained her, helped her to believe that her reality wasn’t true. Over the years she’d convinced herself that her life was perfect, just the way she wanted it. But there was a hole in her soul that she’d been unable to fill with men, work, fancy clothes, a good job. Nothing could stuff that gaping abyss.

  She wanted to love and be loved but she didn’t know how. At times she believed that she was saving all her love for the right time, the right person. When the ice between her and Raquel had finally been broken, she momentarily thought that perhaps the love she’d been seeking had been found.

  But love was the great betrayer. She’d loved her mother. She’d loved her husband. She’d begun to allow herself to love her daughter. They all betrayed her. They took her fragile emotions and crushed them, believing that Ann Marie Dennis Bishop didn’t need their love and affection. She was strong and independent.

  She picked up a wine glass from the shelf of the étagère and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall and cascaded into sparkling pieces.

  What did they know? What did any of them know?

  Barbara woke to the sound of a ringing telephone. She squinted at the digital clock on her bedside. 2:00 a.m. She groaned and fumbled for the phone.

  “Hello,” she answered her voice thick with sleep.

  “Hey baby.”

  She blinked several times and turned on her side, a soft smile forming around her mouth. “Hey babe, yourself. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything is fine. I know it’s late. But I’m just getting in. Listen, I want you to fly out to L.A. I’m going to be here for about a week and I want to show you off to the fellas.”

  Barbara pushed herself up into a half-sitting position and leaned on her elbow. “California?”

  “Yeah, I’m doing a commercial before I head out to Florida with the rest of the team.”

  “Mike…I’d love to but—”

  “No buts. When was the last time you took an all expense paid, spur of the moment trip?”

  She giggled. “I can’t say that I have.”

  “My point exactly. We could have some fun. You get to relax. I get to wine and dine you…and in between…”

  She sighed as she imagined being in some fancy hotel with her rich and famous NBA fiancé, being courted around town in style. She’d definitely have some stories to tell the girls when she got back.

  The girls. The spa. Her job.

  “Mike, the spa just opened. We have our hands full. I mean today alone I must have done two dozen massages. We’re already looking to hire staff.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Mike?”

  “Yeah, well, important things first.”

  “Don’t be like that.”

  “Like what? Aggravated that you’d rather run your hands all over some other man rather than your own?”

  She flinched away from the sharp edge of his tongue. “Michael! You know better than that. It’s my job.”

  He muttered something she didn’t quite catch.

  “Do I tell you not to attend the after parties or sign autographs for the sweet young things that are all over you after a game?” She was wide awake now.

  “That’s different.”

  “Really?” Her sarcastic tone was lost on him.

  “Look, forget it. It was a stupid idea. I just thought it would be fun for both of us.”

  Barbara squeezed her eyes shut against the sound of hurt and disappointment in his voice.

  “I’ll see if I can get rid of the airline tickets. Maybe one of my teammates can use them.”

  Tickets? He’d already bought her tickets? Guilt climbed on top of her chest and sat there tapping its foot.

  She’d have to find a way to make it up to him.

  “Mike…as soon as things settle down on this end and I can hire someone to take over for me at the spa…and I can give my job enough notice…I’d be happy to go anywhere in the world with you,” she said in her most cajoling, please-understand tone.

  He breathed heavily into the phone. “When we’re married, you’re not going to have to worry about any of this stuff.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean worrying about a job and obligations to other people. You’ll have me and enough money to do what you want, when you want.”

  Concern nudged her. She jerked from it, frowned then swatted it away but it settled on the bed next to her and made itself comfortable, right next to her good sense.

  She didn’t like the feeling and it wasn’t the first time it had reared its head when it came to Michael.

  “Sounds like something we should really talk about when you’re here in New York.” She yawned, hoping the hint would get him off the phone. She wanted the call to end before something was said that couldn’t be taken back.

  “Yeah, you’re right, baby. I shouldn’t have put all this on you in the middle of the night. That was real selfish of me.” His voice lowered to the deep timber that always left her weak. “I guess I’m missing you too much.”

  That tight spot in the center of her chest softened.

  “You accept my apology?”

  “Mike you have nothing to apologize for. It was a sweet offer. Really. And if it was any other time, I would go in a heartbeat.”

  He chuckled. “I know. Look, you get your beautiful self some rest. I’ll try to call you tomorrow.”

  “When will you be back?”

  “Not for a couple weeks. But if I can get away even for a weekend or overnight, I’ll be there.”

  A hot flush filled her up. “I can’t wait,” she whispered.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Night.”

  “Good night.” Slowly she hung up the phone and tried to settle back down to sleep but doubt had joined concern and good sense in her bed and she barely had room to move.

  There were things that troubled her about her relationship with Michael; little things that flared up unexpectedly, the little flashes of jealousy, the silences.

  She flipped onto her side, couldn’t get comfortable, kicked her unwanted guests onto the floor then lay spread-eagle in the bed.

  It was late. She was awakened from a well-earned rest. She was making more out of things than necessary, worrying about nothing.

  She stuck her left hand out in front of her. Even in the darkness of her bedroom the diamond sparkled, reminding her of her commitment to a man almost young enough to be her son.

  She drew in a breath. It would work out. She deserved some happiness. It had been a long drought since she’d lost her husband Marvin and Michael made her feel alive again, reminded her that she was still a vibrant, sexy woman.

  She turned back onto her side. Now that she had some room in the bed, she planned to get to sleep. But doubt, good sense and concern crept back beneath the sheets and spent the rest of the night.

  Ann Marie spent a sleepless night as well. She’d told the girls the day before that she’d be unable to work at the spa as she had a long day at the real estate office, several meetings and a closing.

  When she arrived at the office, thankfully, she was the only one there. She turned on the coffee pot and stood in front of it like a sentinel, waiting for it to perk. Funny, she thought absently, the coffeepot was a reflection of her life—sitting on a hot plate waiting to perk.

  “Morning Ann Marie,” Carol the new office assistant sang out.

  Ann Marie turned away from staring at th
e pot. “Morning.”

  “You look a little tired. Long night?” She giggled in a way that would annoy the average person.

  Inwardly Ann Marie rolled her eyes. “Something like that.” She hadn’t told anyone in the office about her new business venture, mainly because it was none of their business. And the less the staff knew about her private life the better. It was bad enough that Terrance had sent the flowers to her office, which caused all kinds of buzz and speculation.

  “Out with the guy who sent the flowers?” she hedged.

  Ann Marie snapped her head in Carol’s direction. “I have two clients coming in, one at eleven and the other at one. Please make sure that their information is ready for me.” She gave Carol the names of her clients, took the pot of coffee and poured herself a cup. She turned to Carol who stood there as if Ann Marie was still planning to tell her more about her private life.

  Ann Marie arched a brow, stuck her arm out and dramatically examined her watch.

  Carol finally got the hint. Ann Marie rolled her eyes in earnest and went to her cubicle.

  The real estate office that she worked for was truly a high-end office, dealing only in luxury condos, commercial properties and brownstones, which had become the crown jewels of the marketplace. They had state of the art equipment, a designer’s lounge area for clients, light refreshments and all of the agents had their own glass cubicles on two levels. The commissions that she raked in from sales put her solidly in the six-figure income bracket each year. If she wanted, she could leave New York at anytime and start a fresh life without a financial worry in the world.

  Maybe that’s what she needed to do—start over. Just pick up and leave all this crap behind. Go someplace where no one could find her. Maybe even change her name. There was nothing holding her here. She had no family—now with Raquel gone. She had no man. And…you could always make new friends.

  She thought of Barbara, Stephanie and Ellie. They’d been her family, putting up with her bull for years. But even they couldn’t give her what she needed.

  Her desk phone rang. Absently she picked it up.

  “Ann Marie speaking.”